With thanks to the Internet Movie Database.
Mike Nelson: I'm sorry, clearly you're not a psychopath.
Tom Servo: That's right! Now get out before my dog orders me to shoot the president!
Dr. Forrester: Oh, hello boobie. Say, do you want to make people's heads explode? Sure, we all do.
Crow: Clowns. Terrifying in any country.
Crow T. Robot: She doesn't have a brain... she'd make a good news anchor.
Crow T. Robot: Oh, stop pretending there's a plot. Don't cheapen yourself further.
Crow T. Robot: Mother Theresa called... She hates you.
Joel: Ambiguity is scary.
Joel: You sound like a manure salesman with a mouthful of samples.
Tom Servo: You have my word of honor that the story I have been telling is the truth... Okay, mixed with a little fiction... Alright, I'm lying my butt off...
Dr. Forrester: I'm the god, I'M THE GOD!
Joel: You know, this has all the continuity of a fever dream.
Tom Servo: Geeze, I hope this works or little Billy will be lunch meat.
Joel: It's a pity we can't kill you and get away with it.
General: Open Fire.
Crow: Kill indiscriminately.
Little Boy: What now?
Tom Servo: Scream, die maybe.
Joel: Action sequences filmed in "Confus-o-vision"
Tom Servo: It's just a simple matter of "What the hell is going on?"
Mike Nelson: Ah. You clever bastard, so the editor is working with you.
Mike Nelson: You know, I'm a little vague on what you are talking about.
Mike Blackwood: There's no reason to fear the worst. All we know is that the plane caught fire and we lost radio contact.
Mike Nelson: But there's absolutely nothing to be worried about.
Tom Servo: I can't believe people call me a psycho, I'm gonna take those people's heads and carve em' into ashtrays.
Joel: Eleanor Roosevelt's PISSED!
Mike Nelson: Apparently the story is none of our business.
[dozens of peasants are fighting to aid Deathstalker]
Crow: We are still fighting bravely for our vague goal.
Crow: I toast your sleaziness.
[singing]
Tom Servo: It's the devil's theme, his stupid little song, even though he's the embodiment of evil he's still got a goofy song, in his tights he brings death, despair, destruction and disease, now let's all join him. Devil.
Crow: Come on Metamucil. Work your magic.
[Starts snowing in movie]
Mike Nelson: This is how much pure cocaine you'd need to enjoy this movie.
Reverend: George wanted to go to the funeral...
Crow: But Baywatch was on.
Crow: Tolkien couldn't follow this plot.
Lisa: It looks like there was a war.
Tom Servo: You'll have to take my word for it, we can't afford to show it.
Tom Servo: The sad thing is, they're trying to tap dance. Hahahaha. Kill me.
Crow: That was an official thing I just did.
Tom Servo: Believe in magic, or I'll kill you.
Teenage boy: Mr. Miller, is something wrong?
Crow: Sit down, pie-face. It's a long list.
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