Wednesday, April 11, 2007

The wit and wisdom of Mystery Science Theater 3000, as it applies to the administration of George W. Bush

With thanks to the Internet Movie Database.

Mike Nelson: I'm sorry, clearly you're not a psychopath.
Tom Servo: That's right! Now get out before my dog orders me to shoot the president!

Dr. Forrester: Oh, hello boobie. Say, do you want to make people's heads explode? Sure, we all do.

Crow: Clowns. Terrifying in any country.

Crow T. Robot: She doesn't have a brain... she'd make a good news anchor.

Crow T. Robot: Oh, stop pretending there's a plot. Don't cheapen yourself further.

Crow T. Robot: Mother Theresa called... She hates you.

Joel: Ambiguity is scary.

Joel: You sound like a manure salesman with a mouthful of samples.

Tom Servo: You have my word of honor that the story I have been telling is the truth... Okay, mixed with a little fiction... Alright, I'm lying my butt off...

Dr. Forrester: I'm the god, I'M THE GOD!

Joel: You know, this has all the continuity of a fever dream.

Tom Servo: Geeze, I hope this works or little Billy will be lunch meat.

Joel: It's a pity we can't kill you and get away with it.

General: Open Fire.
Crow: Kill indiscriminately.

Little Boy: What now?
Tom Servo: Scream, die maybe.

Joel: Action sequences filmed in "Confus-o-vision"

Tom Servo: It's just a simple matter of "What the hell is going on?"
Mike Nelson: Ah. You clever bastard, so the editor is working with you.

Mike Nelson: You know, I'm a little vague on what you are talking about.

Mike Blackwood: There's no reason to fear the worst. All we know is that the plane caught fire and we lost radio contact.
Mike Nelson: But there's absolutely nothing to be worried about.

Tom Servo: I can't believe people call me a psycho, I'm gonna take those people's heads and carve em' into ashtrays.

Joel: Eleanor Roosevelt's PISSED!

Mike Nelson: Apparently the story is none of our business.

[dozens of peasants are fighting to aid Deathstalker]
Crow: We are still fighting bravely for our vague goal.

Crow: I toast your sleaziness.

Tom Servo: It's the devil's theme, his stupid little song, even though he's the embodiment of evil he's still got a goofy song, in his tights he brings death, despair, destruction and disease, now let's all join him. Devil.

Crow: Come on Metamucil. Work your magic.

[Starts snowing in movie]
Mike Nelson: This is how much pure cocaine you'd need to enjoy this movie.

Reverend: George wanted to go to the funeral...
Crow: But Baywatch was on.

Crow: Tolkien couldn't follow this plot.

Lisa: It looks like there was a war.
Tom Servo: You'll have to take my word for it, we can't afford to show it.

Tom Servo: The sad thing is, they're trying to tap dance. Hahahaha. Kill me.

Crow: That was an official thing I just did.

Tom Servo: Believe in magic, or I'll kill you.

Teenage boy: Mr. Miller, is something wrong?
Crow: Sit down, pie-face. It's a long list.

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