Here's my horoscope, courtesy of The Onion.
Aries
MAR 21 - APR 19
The stars would love nothing more than to reveal your future this week, but unfortunately, they're just large luminous balls of plasma held together by gravity in space.
Huh. That's actually not much of a joke, really. It's the sort of stuff that I say all the time, and people look at me with a very odd look on their faces.
I am convinced I would have made a pretty good Vulcan. O.K., so I am WAY too emotional to be a true Vulcan. Spock's raised eyebrows are the epitome of distain and surprise, but that was usually as far as it went with Spock. That's just my starting point. So, I doubt I could even make it with the "half human, half Vulcan" thing. Maybe I could be an honorary Vulcan...
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